i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
