This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
