I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
