North Korea, Best Korea!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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