am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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