I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
