One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Terrible idea I love it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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