Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
