no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
