I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
