He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
