he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
