Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
