that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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