Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
