I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
