I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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