Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sober January is a disaster.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
