did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize