Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
