He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
