Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
