So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize