How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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