I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
love makes seman taste better
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
