I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
