u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
