my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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