Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
