me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
