i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
