i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the day after is always just damage control
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
