I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
