Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
