So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
