I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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