i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
