be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
