Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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