Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
