Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your penis caused this!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
