I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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