Just cropdusted the office
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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