i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
