I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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