Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
