3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
