no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
