i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
