I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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