it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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