TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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