It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
