Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize