I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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