he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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