is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
