So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
