I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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