You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
