Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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