Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
