I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
