a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
