Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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