so that wasnt chicken after all
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
