WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
