I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
