Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
