he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
