great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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