the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
