Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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