my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
