How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
