I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
