So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
