i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
